The Times They Are A Changin'

   ...So why aren't I?

Not everything can change at once, but maybe if I take it one step at a time, I can change my ways. You know, maybe become a good person? I hear they exist, but those might just be rumors. Not really, I know of them. I blend in with them when I wish to, but it's only a facade. A mask that's becoming too cumbersome to carry.

That's all fairly vague. Allow me to introduce myself. I am me, I suffer from extreme laziness. An absolute lack of willpower to be exact. I'm 30 years old and have almost nothing to show for it. I was married with kids but was fairly worthless and impulsive. I really don't know how I managed to get someone to marry me in the first place, really. I mean, I wouldn't have married myself lol 

Now, I have no job, live in my parents' basement, and have no life. If there is a rock bottom, I think I may have found it (I could always be homeless, I suppose). I'm one of those deadbeat dads you hear about, unfortunately. There's obviously something wrong with me, and it all stems from being lazy. If I didn't have such a high metabolism I would be the biggest couch potato on the planet, literally. 

Even the smallest things feel like some outrageous obstacle. Fuck my life, basically. I did this to myself. I'm riddled with complacency, apathy, and carelessness. 

I'm going to change that. I'm not going to magically get up one day, and be the perfect person but I am going to start making small changes, one at a time until I am where I ought to be. 

Where to start? Here's a list of everything I don't like about myself.

• I sit around all day
• I do nothing but watch movies, shows, and fuck around on Facebook
• I'm addicted to porn
• I procrastinate like it's going out of style
• I don't follow even the most basic hygiene routines
• I smoke
• I'm indecisive
• I'm impulsive
• I'm literally getting dumber with each day
• I can't commit
• I've almost never seen anything through to its end
• I drink too much (not such a problem since I got a DUI recently)
• I'm selfish
• I can't focus at all - I'm not sure how I'm even writing this post.
• I'm as socially awkward as it gets. I'm possibly the most uncomfortable person to be around in public, and I'm oblivious to it most of the time.

I could come up with more if I wanted to, but I'll leave it at that for now. 

I could spend years unraveling all the things that contributed to me becoming who I am. That's not really important though. The only thing that is important is what I'm going to do about it.

I'm going to start off by making a checklist of daily tasks - starting off with a couple small items and adding to it over time, bit by bit. I think that will start giving me momentum. This is the intention of this blog.

 I'll save smoking for later because I'm pretty sure that would basically just be shooting myself in the foot, right off the bat.

Day 1

1. Make Bed - I've heard this is an absolute must if you want to be a productive person.
2. Exercise - I'm not going to go crazy with this and jump into the deep end of hitting the weights or anything. I'll start off with doing pushups, squats, etc.
3. Write - Hence this blog. I have to start trying to save my brain, this will help.
4. Read - Same reasoning as #3. I mean actually read, not just skim through stupid crap on the internet. I'll start off with War and Peace (I've been putting that one off for a while).

I'll leave it there for today. I've already made my bed and wrote this post, so 1 & 3 are done and only 1/4 of the day is done. 

Wish me luck.